This past Saturday, I was exercising in the gym with my trainer. I’ve been exercising with her for 2 months now and I never had any physical problems. This particular session, I was doing arms. No cardio but I was feeling weak.
As I finished my triceps and went to the next machine to begin my biceps, I started feeling lightheaded. My trainer asked me if ate and I told her I ate about 30 minutes before.
The lightheadedness got worse and I felt very nauseous and weak. I couldn’t figure out what triggered this. After that, I got dry mouth and then suddenly my hearing got muffled. More and more the noise in the gym, including my trainer speaking with me, was fading. My vision even got blurry. In this state, I knew I had to sit down.
What I realized was that though it felt like I was wearing headphones and my senses were shutting down, I was still here. Inside, thinking and trying to figure out how to get my senses back.
I sat down on the ground (criss cross applesauce, like how my daughter says it) and I looked down at the ground and took deep breaths. I followed the instructions my cool and collected trainer was giving to me though it was hard to hear. Slowly I came back. Meaning I came back into my body and was back in control.
This experience, more than any other had me thinking about my mortality and who I really am? I know now, I am not my body. I knew it in my spirit but after this experience I know it for sure.
Later that night, I watched Iyanla Vanzant on OWN on her new show, “Iyanla, Fix My Life.” The show prompted the following questions.
Who am I? Who am I really?
Without my job, my spouse, my child
Without my possessions, my parents, my siblings and family.
Who am I?
When I’m as blank as this canvas, when all is said and done, who am I and why am I here?
Who am I?
I’m Bonibelle (my real first name).
I’m a servant.
Why am I here?
I help people come into themselves.
I help people give birth to their true selves.
People need me to help them see who they really are.
Who they want to be.
Who they need to be to complete their work here.
I now experienced how the spirit and body are separate.
It’s not the end when we die.
I’m controlling this body like we control a robot or a computer program. I tell it what to do with my thoughts.
I’m wearing an incredible power suit. I feel inside my spirit but this body allows me to feel it on the outside, on my skin. It allows me to touch others and share my feelings with them.
When my body and brain truly turn off, I go someplace else. I know that now. I don’t fear death anymore.
Our spirits live on.
The pain in death is of leaving your loved ones and not knowing how you will be able to communicate and touch them like before.
I’m hoping that in the afterlife there is a more profound way for us to touch each other in our spirits.
There are some spirits we want to feel forever.
Now, what does this have to do with your career?
Well, we are only here for a finite amount of time.
Every moment of your life should be meaningful, including your work.
Meaningful to you, not to anyone else or their expectations of you.
Live with intention and opt for those experiences that will bring you the most joy.
Tune into your spirit.
Ask it what it needs.
Use your body suit to fulfill those needs while it still works right.
You are only limited by your imagination.
Be still and ask for guidance on your chosen line of work.
Will it add to your spirit?
Will it deplete your energy?
Will you have enough time to touch those you want to touch forever?
Who am I?
I am Bonibelle.
I am a servant to those who wish to connect with their true selves.
I am a midwife for your true spirit, and I help you bring it to life.