When I Fell

When I Fell

I’m in a waiting room now because I fell.  May 20th is when I fell down a rabbit hole of stress and worry, doubt, fear, and pain. My husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer and needed his right testicle removed.  It was devastating and happened so quickly I still haven’t processed it all. He is doing wonderful and chose to have preventative chemotherapy to bring his chances of it recurring from 20% to 2-3%.  He just had his first chemo treatment and did great. I’m so proud of him.

How am I doing? That’s a loaded question. My life has completely changed and will never be the same. Cancer has invaded my home and will be on the back of my mind forever. It is my new normal. No more fussing about the size label inside my pants or the number on the scale.  Instead it’s what’s my cholesterol, blood pressure, is that mole getting darker, is my lower back pain normal?  It goes on and on.

How am I? I’m strong, emotional, sad, but I’m determined to thrive through this.

What do you do when life throws you a curveball?  You adjust and meet it in the middle.  You never turn away.  It’s true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  I like to think that all my trials are God’s way of making me a diamond, using heat to perfectly mold me until I shine in a million directions.

I ‘m still dealing with the emotional fallout of the rug being pulled out from under me.  I don’t feel safe yet and I don’t know if I will regain the carefree way I was.  Nor do I want to go back.  I definitely appreciate my health and strength more.  I’m feeding my body healthier alternatives and working out again.  I want to enjoy my body right now where it is.  And with time, I’ll get better.  Like Oprah says, “When you know better, you do better.”  I now know better.

I’m sending lots of love and support to those of you currently in the struggle of Cancer whether it’s you or a loved one.  You know what to do.  Don’t turn away.  Ask for help, talk to someone or email me.  I’ll listen.

Blessings and Love,

Boni

7 Responses to When I Fell

  1. Aliah says:

    Boni, I am thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. I had no idea what was going on but if you need ANYTHING even if it is just a ear to listen, please reach out. Remain strong! I am praying for your husband’s health–please keep us posted.

  2. Aliah, Thank you for reaching out and for your prayers. Hubby is doing great, and on the road to recovery. I’ll pass along your good wishes. I’ll also take you up on a phone call, and will reach out to you soon. Take care, Boni

  3. Jackie H. says:

    Inspirational post…I’m so glad you’re husband is cancer free now..

  4. MrsTDJ says:

    Prayers to you, Jose and the family. It is encouraging to heae that he is recovering well. I can imagine the mental anguish that you both have been under. Take comfort in his PRESENCE. Love one another just a little bit stronger and hug just a little bit tighter each day. Our pool time and dinner in Vegas is one of my favorite memories over the last year. Hugs to you both!!!

  5. Sending you and your family my best wishes.

  6. Nae says:

    Many blessings to you and your family Boni. I too am here should you near anything. Lifting you in love and light.

  7. Maribel L. says:

    Welcome to the world of a Cancer caregiver, a world I know too well. No one quite understands how cancer impacts the lived of the the affected person’s family. I’m so glad to hear that hubby is doing well. He’s a fighter, so I’m not surprised. I hope I get to see you guys this year and toast to life!

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