I have been there.  For almost two years after my daughter was born, I focused solely on her, my husband, and my job.  I threw myself into the role of working mother and began comparing and judging my success based on my mother, grandmothers, and previous generations.

My mother and mother-in-law were both working moms who came to the U.S. from Puerto Rico in the ’60s.  After they got married and had children they continued to work, many times doing multiple jobs, outside of the home to help their hardworking husbands make ends meet.  They kept many Puerto Rican traditions of food, music, dance and family — including taking on all of the responsibility of work inside the home.  They did it all. Todo. Without one complaint or day off.

I looked up to these Superwomen and used them as my standard. I compared my cooking, cleaning, and childrearing to them.  Little did I know, they secretly were overworked, depressed, ignored their health and felt pressure to be perfect because of tradition.

For too long, I did the same thing. I didn’t think twice about where my next breath was coming from because I really didn’t appreciate that each breath is a gift.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

To change things for myself, I started to think about what my family and I truly deserve.  Shifting my logic helped me kick into gear a healthier lifestyle.

I acknowledge that my body has not been pushed to its fullest potential with exercise and that I have not made sure that it rests.  Like a neglected child, I have not spent time loving my body. I never saw exercise and rest as serving my family when it actually does.

My daughter deserves an energetic and happy mother. I really notice a difference when I play with my daughter after taking some time for myself and find that I am more focused, energetic and loving towards her.  Because my needs are met, I am in a better position to meet hers.

My husband deserves a fun, happy, sexy wife. I am more loving towards him after I had been more loving towards myself.

I deserve to show myself off and be proud of who I am.

I want to project a positive self-image to other women and girls.

It’s time to come out of my shell and declare that I am a strong, energetic, beautiful and amazing woman.

I am strength

I am love

I am me

So are you.

No wonder mothers have so much anxiety when it comes to their job search, especially if they chose to stay home. Many are afraid of interviewing and discussing the time gaps in their resumes. After all, HR professionals, managers and job seekers have all been taught the same thing, time gaps are bad.  So in an interview, what are relaunchers, onrampers, and return to work mothers supposed to do?

Here are 5 interviewing tips for the brave souls returning to the workforce.

1.      Don’t apologize for being a mom. Be proud and embrace your decision to have children and stay home to raise them.  When asked about your time away from the workforce highlight the positives.

Here is a sample interview response: I chose to stay home to build a strong and loving foundation for my children.  I am confident they are now well supported and so I am eager to return to the work I love.  During my time at home, I volunteered at my local ________ (church, children’s school, charity, etc) and gained excellent experience in _________ (marketing, communications, public relations, or other business function.)

2.      Describe the leadership roles you held while at home or in previous employment.  Do you manage your household’s expenses, chair any volunteer committees, teach classes, lead in your church? Explain how you would apply your skills & experience to the open position.

3.      Ask questions.  Ask about a typical workday including office hours, duties, projects, and any travel.  Do any of the employees work a flexible schedule? Ask about their performance appraisal process and specifically which dimensions are rated.  This will give a good indication of what the company values, face-time or results.  Finally ask about what types of benefits are available such as health, dental, tuition reimbursement, flexible spending accounts, vacation, personal days and merit bonuses.  This information will be helpful when negotiating your salary and schedule.

4.      Be prepared.  Do your research on the company’s history, products, services and values.  Be able to clarify why you want to work there.  Also be familiar with the company’s customers and clients and how you can help meet their needs.

5.      Illustrate your own flexibility. Are you able to arrive earlier than the required time or leave later?  In return the company may allow you to leave a few hours earlier so you can pick your children up from daycare or school or arrive later in the morning so you can have breakfast with them.

Can you travel occasionally or work a Saturday if necessary? If so, the company may be able to offer you a compressed 4 day work week or have you work from home on the fifth day.

First make sure you can meet their needs, before negotiating how they can meet yours.

Finally, remember you are extremely valuable.  You are just as productive as any other worker.  Many of you hold advanced degrees, are able to work in fast-paced and stressful environments, can multi-task, negotiate with vendors, and manage dynamic budgets.  Your creativity and innovation are boundless and you seldom complain.  Ultimately, no one is as dedicated and loyal than you.

Author’s Edit:  Great tip from one of our readers,  Jo Ann Cummings.

In addition to researching the company, women should go to a website like salary.com and research the pay range for the type of position they are applying for, with the experience level they had, in the city where they hope to work.  Even if you don’t intend to discuss salary at an initial interview, IF the subject comes up, you will be prepared with a benchmark of what the salary range might be, so that you know if you’re getting low balled.

The Wageproject.org website has access to salary.com.  They are starting to offer salary negotiation seminars called Return$mart, for women returning to the workforce.